Don't Underestimate The Power of Others on Your Habits 👨👩👧👧
It’s always the same story with my parents. My mom will tell me she wants to lose weight, but that my father keeps buying junk food. My dad chimes in and says "It was on sale and this will be the last time I will buy it". Yeah right, dad.
I've written about how cultivating an environment that allows habits to thrive. One part of the enviroment are people. Roommates, family, and partners all shape our habits.
It’s a complicated story though. You could have decided to live with people with a similar lifestyle. Genetic predisposition is another factor. Still, don’t underestimate the power of others on your behavior.
Author and podcaster Tim Ferriss says,
"You are the average of the five people you most associate with."
What he means is that people in our inner circle have the greatest impact on our decision-making and lifestyle choices. I would go further and say, the people you live with can be the greatest source in helping or hindering your habits.
A perfect example is what we eat. For better or worse, the person(s) who shops for the groceries and cooks dictates what others in the household eat.
Is my dad hindering my mom’s ability to lose weight? Or should she be using self-control?
Unfortunately, many of us still believe in the strategy of self-control.
A classic study of self-control asked kids to hold off eating a marshmallow on a plate for 15 minutes. 75% of kids couldn’t hold off that long. What’s glossed over about this experiment was the different conditions. In one condition, the marshmallow was out of sight and it resulted in the kids lasting much longer.
Out of sight means removing the temptation. It’s a form of proactive self-control called situational control. The people with so-called “ability” are fighting temptation by going around temptation. While people who falter, try to fight their temptations head on. It’s a losing battle most of the time.
When it comes to junk food, the battle to eat healthier starts not only in your shopping cart but everyone else who is bringing food home.
Always think about the people you live with as well as the environment. Both are part of a situational control strategy that can help us better resist our temptations.
📄 Commitment Contracts
Speaking of others, I am into my third month of my commitment contract with my girlfriend. A commitment contract is a form of a commitment device to make yourself accountable.
I wrote up a quarterly contract to be a consistent runner. If I didn't hit my weekly goals, I would pay my girlfriend $25 per week.
Is that extreme? I don’t think so. A commitment contract pulls many different levers.
Filters out what goals are truly important. If they are important to get done, shouldn’t you be using everything in your arsenal?
Public declarations test our human trait of consistency. We value those who are reliable and consistent. And we want others to believe we have that same quality. When you say you are going to do something especially when its formalized, it’s harder to dissassocate with.
No one likes losing money. Period. A great motivator.
I’ll write up if it worked for me at the end of the commitment period next month (consistent principle, anyone?) but here are a few guidelines if you decide you want to up your game and do a commitment contract.
Don’t half-ass it. Make it formal like if you were writing a real contract. Type it out, add stipulations, print it and make sure both party’s sign.
Make it visible. Mine is on my bathroom mirror.
Pick a single commitment and make it long-term like 3 months. This makes it long enough to invoke real behavioral change. 30 days is too short.
Start tiny and ramp it up. My running goal wasn’t to run 3 times a week at the start. Set realistic expectations.
Interested in my contract and a free template? Just hit reply and I’ll send you mine.
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As always, thank you for reading. Be well.
Irfan
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